Got what it takes to be Pope?

Oggi è l’ultimo giorno di Papa Benedetto (nell’incarico di Papa). [Today is Pope Benedict’s last day (in his role as Pope).]
The game has been on to find his replacement since he announced his resignation a little over two weeks ago.

Think you might have what it takes to be Pope?

You’d be surprised at just how few official requirements there are for papal candidates… I came across the article, “Per diventare Papa bastano tre requisiti” [“To become Pope, three requirements suffice”].

To summarize it, the following handful of requirements are the only ones actually on the books and have remained mostly unchanged through the centuries:

1. be male [essere maschio]
2. not married, ever [celibe, mai sposato]
3. be under 80 years of age [avere meno di ottant’anni di età]
4. be baptized [essere battezzato] (though one can be nominated without being baptized if they promise to do so after)
5. not necessary to previously or currently hold a religious title or position [non è necessaria una carica religiosa precedente]

Never mind that the last time a non-clergy candidate became Pope was in December of 963 (Leone VIII), and that he lasted less than 2 years; the mere fact that there are so few requirements got me thinking of how broad the pool for potential papal candidates around the world might really be. And again, never mind the unlikelihood of them becoming Pope…
My students and I got to musing over some candidates of our own and what they might do as Pope. We came up with these candidates for the next owner of the Pope Mobile:
Justin Beiber, Bill Maher, Al Pacino, Ralph Nader, Wilt Chamberlain  (Believe me, it was tricky coming up with men who’d never been married!)

We had fun imagining what these famous males would do if they were Pope. It was also a perfect opportunity to practice the conditional tense (in this post, the verbs ending in -ebbe and -ebbero).

Here are some of the answers to the question: Che farebbe __(nome del candidato)__ se fosse il Papa? [What would __(name of candidate)__ do if he were Pope?]  Answers are in Italian followed by the English version

Se Ralph Nader fosse Papa, per prevenire le cadute pretenderebbe l’installazione dei corrimani lungo tutte le scale del Vaticano e anche la posa della moquette sulle magnifiche scale di marmo!  Avviarebbe una campagna per eliminare l’inquinamento ambientale. Indagherebbe sulla corruzione nel Vaticano.

If Ralph Nader were Pope, to prevent falls, he would require the installation of handrails in all the stairways of the Vatican and the laying of carpet, including on the magnificent marble steps! He would launch a campaign to eliminate environmental pollution. He would investigate corruption in the Vatican.

Se Al Pacino fosse Papa, permetterebbe ai vescovi e ai cardinali di sposarsi. Farebbe punire da Serpico i preti che abusano ai bambini. Farebbe girare un film nel Vaticano. Nel film, i vescovi e i cardinali porterebbero le pistole e salverebbero il mondo.

If Al Pacino were Pope, he would allow bishops and cardinals to marry. He would have Serpico punish priests that abuse children. He would direct a film in the Vatican. In the film, the bishops and cardinals would carry pistols and save the world.

Se Bill Maher fosse Papa, presenterebbe la sua routine comica in piazza del Vaticano. Sarebbe un buon Papa perché non è religioso e pensa indipendentemente. Permetterebbe di entrare in Vaticano solo i democratici. Permetterebbe alle donne di diventare preti.

If Bill Maher were Pope, he would do his comedy routine in Vatican Square. He would be a good Pope because he isn’t religious and he thinks independently. He would only let democrats into the Vatican. He would let women become priests.

Se Justin Beiber fosse Papa, canterebbe la messa ogni domenica. Dopo la messa offrirebbe delle ciambelle gratis. Ogni mercoledì darebbe una lezione di ballo e ogni mese organizzerebbe una gara di ballo per i single cattolici. Darebbe dei concerti gratuiti in piazza del Vaticano.  Introdurrebbe la musica hip-hop nelle chiese per interessare di più ai giovani. Permetterebbe a sua madre di abitare con lui nel Vaticano. Darebbe molti soldi ai poveri.

If Justin Bieber were Pope, he would sing the mass every Sunday. After mass, he would serve free donuts. Every Wednesday, he would give a dance lesson, and every month he would organize a dance contest for Catholic singles. He would give free concerts in Vatican Square. He would introduce hip-hop music into the churches to appeal more to young people. He would let his mom live with him in the Vatican. He would give a lot of money to the poor.

Se Wilt Chambelain fosse il Papa, inizierebbe un programma obbligatorio di ginnastica per tutti i vescovi e i cardinali. Formerebbe una squadra di pallacanestro per loro, e sceglierebbe i migliori giocatori per i Vatican Globetrotters, che girerebbe il mondo giocando per promuovere la pace.

If Wilt Chamberlain were Pope, he would initiate a mandatory exercise program for bishops and cardinals. He would form a basketball team for them, and he would choose the best players for the Vatican Globetrotters, who would go around the world playing to promote peace.

READ the article that inspired our activities: “Per diventare Papa bastano tre requisiti”.

Got any other Pope candidates in mind, or other imaginary missions for our candidates? Leave your comments below!

 [Grazie sentite al mio assistente redazione Enzo Heinz D’Albis!]